A Meeting of Very Important* People to Discuss a Very Important Problem
(and a somewhat smaller, less important PR problem re: “diversity”)
Duke University, Spring 2016
*Importance determined by salary, relative whiteness (in skin and spirit), and ability to not cry while selling Duke students’ souls to AccentureTM.
President Richard “Dick” Brodhead: Thank you for convening on short notice all the way in this conference room at Stanford University to discuss the pressing matter of a contingency plan for our next Mini Golf outing. But while we are all conveniently here, we might as well take care of discussing diversity for a few minutes. Let’s go around and have everyone give their update on efforts to diversify Duke and their first preference for a mini-golf relocation. Sally?
Continue reading “Duke Consults for Diversity”
Sunday, 12:37 pm
A: Hey, so great running into you outside soc psych the other day! Just following up on the whole “let’s get lunch” thing haha
B: Haha pretty sure that was soc sci but yeah totally when’s good for you?
A: I’m pretty swamped for the next 2 weeks :/ but I should have some time the week of the 7th.
B: Ugh ok shoot that’s when I have all my projects due.
A: Actually let me double check on this week — I think I should be good this Thursday?
B: Wait that sounds good actually – let’s do 12:30?
A: Yay! We can pick where to go then!
Continue reading “Lunch?”
To Whom It May Concern:
I noticed Tallman between January and March of 1994 but did not have the pleasure of making his acquaintance until June 6th 2006. It was a year after some personal problems and just months after Duke’s Lacrosse Scandal began when I found him sitting at my hometown bar – He’s Not Here, a property I own. Great bar– I’ve made a lots of deals there.
Continue reading “Recommendation Letter for Tallman Trask”
Such a vision of beauty.
Black ‘X’s on her hands.
Layers of the unknown
Caked upon her once-white Vans.
Continue reading “Durham Duchess”
I’m disappointed in you, America. Not for deep frying butter or refusing to adopt the metric system, but for once again forgetting about that other holiday on February 14th. It’s Single Awareness Day— one more reason to be S.A.D. on Valentine’s Day. February 14th came and went this year without much public acknowledgement of the malady commonly known as “being single”. It’s time we start truly spreading awareness for The Singles.
Continue reading “S.A.D. Ice Bucket Challenge”
“I feel like every year has a new energy and I feel like this year is really about like the year of just realizing stuff and everyone around me, we’re all just like realizing things…2016 looking good.” Kylie Jenner
Continue reading “UPDATED* New Year’s Resolutions 2016”
A porcelain-skinned and conventionally attractive freshman at a top institution is still reeling from not getting a bid from a highly coveted top fraternity. After an extensive rush process of heavy drinking, desperate attempts make new “friends”, and several episodes of mild existential dread, the student was completely devastated to find his lone bid was from a mid-tier fraternity.
Continue reading “Community Still Reeling From Wealthy White Student’s Rejection From Top Frat”
Department Of got their hands on Kanye West’s Twitter drafts after his cousin stole his laptop again last week The results may or may not shock you.
Continue reading “Kanye’s Twitter drafts”