Bright lights and an air of sweat set the scene as I interviewed Freshman Anna Gates. “Everytime We Touch” was blasting, but we were able to exchange words in bits and pieces. Anna had just met a “really nice guy” on the Shooters II dance floor. Mere seconds ago, he had been grinding with her until they started swapping spit. I witnessed what she was now describing as “the best moment of [her] life” from just inches away. I’ve seen a lot of Shooters makeouts over three years, but something was special about this one. I set out to discover what made this makeout session different. After he started to walk away, I went over there to ask her about him. In between the hook of “Tipsy” I heard “SNu,” “really nice,” and maybe “Goldman Sachs.” One couldn’t quite be sure because at that point her friends grabbed her and started screaming excitedly.

You could still make out the gleam of his gold Rolex as he walked toward the bar. Anna’s eyes followed him, and I pushed forward with the interview, but she couldn’t hear me; she was fixated on what her friends were calling “that super hot dude in SNu.” The excitement between her and her friends was so palpable that it was spreading to the rest of the Shooters audience. You could feel the entire dance floor bouncing in excitement that Ms. Gates had found such a nice boy. Her friends speculated that maybe she could even become Mrs. Hot Dude in SNu. Anna was right there with them; she started to speculate that he could’ve been “the one, which would be so” I lost her a little underneath Lil Wayne screaming about big booty bitches, but I think she was noting how “perfect” it would’ve been considering that Miley Cyrus’s 2009 banger “He Could Be The One” was playing when they first started making out.

The poeticism didn’t just come from the music, though. The entire crowd had noted it as faces turned and cringed at just how cheesy this love story was. Even when he first came up to her, he was asking her genuine questions about her major and what her passions were. A real catch. He was guaranteed to be wealthy too.  It was obvious that She needed to lock him down by smushing her face into his and slobbering all over his neck. Congratulations, Anna!

It’s so rare to see a love story like that at Duke, and I’m privileged to have witnessed that and gotten to share it with you.

At press time, Mr. SNu was unavailable for comment, as he was making out with Anna’s roommate in the cage.

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