Hey you there. Yeah you! We’re willing to do you a huge solid by letting you read this so you can look like you’re busy and could potentially have friends waiting in line at ABP (good luck selling that story). Fear not, with this advice, you’ll soon be crushing it at Blue Dubs (everyone cool calls it that) and if you play your cards right, maybe you’ll get with a 6 at Shoots (not praiseworthy but definitely something you shouldn’t be ashamed of). First let’s address names. Don’t walk around with some beat name that’s either too long or too lame to remember. You’re “Zee” now. People will know you. Got a talent like breakdancing? Literally breakdance everywhere. Don’t be too self-conscious about your dry skin or disproportionate body type; you’re a Duke student now so none of that matters. Talk about your SAT scores and compare them with your new acquaintances; get defensive if you scored lower. Students are attracted to people who stand up for themselves. Contrary to popular belief, all Duke students are involved in Greek life and rush starts now so you got to make yourself heard. Keep that in the back of your mind when you feel like you’re not relentlessly dominating a conversation. Remember these tips and you’ll conquer Blue Dubs. Incoming students will practically be clawing at your feet to be your friend, or they’ll hate you.
Good luck out there Zee.