It is a typical November day: the leaves are falling, the birds are chirping, and the temperature is changing faster than my sexuality major. With such beautiful and unpredictable weather like this, it is a perfect day for a Duke student to spend his or her day indoors watching Netflix and studying for midterms. But while people are inside watching highlights from the Duke basketball games, they face an unusual phenomenon that turns friends against each other and turns strangers into obstacles: Class Registration.

Because yes, everyone is your companion, until they’re the reason you’re on the waitlist for your favorite class. And even though everyone grudgingly accepts the cruel free-for-all system, we haven’t taken the time to investigate it for what it truly is. From the first year that is still experimenting with majors, to the senior that’s trying to find the most bullshit classes possible, this season is the most stressful of all. But should it have to be this way?

To investigate this phenomenon, we interviewed some different people to get a view of how this year’s registration has affected them.

Here’s what they said:

“I had to turn my roommate’s alarm off so she wouldn’t steal my spot in the class.”

“I had to [redacted] in order to get a permission number”

“I was up all night writing terrible ratemyprofessor entries for the class I want to take so others wouldn’t bookbag it.”

“I stole everyone’s laptops in my dorm and locked them in my closet.”

“I pulled the fire alarm at 6:55.”

“I set the dorm on fire at 6:55.”

“I told everyone that daylight savings time was tomorrow, so they would sleep in until 8:00AM instead of 7:00AM. Some people bought it.”

“I hid my friend’s phone, so they wouldn’t be able to use multi-factor authentication and sign into DukeHub.”

“I created a program that tests every permission number from 000000 to 999999 in hopes of getting my classes early.”

“I streamed as much porn as I could on 10 computers in Perkins in order to crash the already fragile wifi server and proceeded to register on my unlimited data plan.”

“I put superglue on my friend’s laptop before he closed it. It’s a touchscreen laptop, too.”

“I switched around the keys to my friend’s keyboard while he wasn’t looking. How do you manage to have a 15 character password, but leave your computer open for others to hack into? That’s your fault.”

“I put black duct tape on someone’s monitor. He can’t register if he can’t see the screen.”

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