Hey Duke families!

Mad Libs© understands that we live in changing times. We live in a politically charged climate, one that’s bound to explode with the slightest spark. No one is exempt from this governmental hell, not even the children. In a world increasingly hard to understand, it’s important to get started early. That’s why for our personalized gift for alumni donors of over $100 this month is Mad Libs©: President Price hate crime email edition. Have fun!

Dear Duke students,

We are (degree adverb ranging from “kind of” to sort of”) sorry that the (liberal icon) Building has been vandalized to read “We love (hate group) and are part of (same hate group)”. While we are processing these (adjective meaning “strong”) emotions, it is important to bear in mind that this does not mean the vandals are part of (earlier hate group).

Such a (bad adjective) and (bad adjective) act deserves no place in this community of diverse individuals. We must all get back in touch with our (positive adjective) selves and remember what the Duke community was founded on: (principled adjective) and (choose one of the following: racism, homophobia, misogyny). We must do better.

To investigate this incident, we have hired a (right-wing political party) committee comprised of (number) (number)-year old (straight) (white) (males). While we are looking for the perpetrators of this accident, it is important to remember that we are a (adjective) community that finds strength in (noun). If any student needs support, I would like to remind students of support resources in the (name of a racist) Building on campus.

This is a disease that is not confined to Duke. It is something that also happens in (country with predominantly white people), (country with predominantly white people), and (country with predominantly white people). It is a movement that is on the rise, but it is one that we can stop through mandated online orientations.

Thank you for understanding that we are doing all we can to help this issue. I ask you all to offer your (positive character trait) and (positive character trait) to the community and me as we move forward.

Vincent E. Price

President

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