Larry Moneta has revealed that a new app is being introduced to DukeHub, Duke Mobile, myDuke, TransLoc Rider, as well as LiveSafe – Duke’s premier safety app. And yes, this new app will also be available in Apple Wallet.  Android users can suck it.

RateMyStudents is a long-awaited new service available for faculty and students. As a counter to RateMyProfessor and the pathetic, sanctimonious, halo-polishing imitation available on DukeHub, this will allow professors and TAs to provide feedback on their experiences with students, leading to better communication and a more open relationship between faculty and students. In theory. One interesting aspect of this application is that it allows one student to receive multiple anonymous reviews from all the faculty members he interacts with, much like how RateMyProfessor allows a professor to receive feedback from all the students he has. These reviews from faculty will appear in the much-used notification section of DukeHub. During the beta testing of this new feature, Department Of reached out to the developers as well as select faculty chosen to test the product.

One developer, who chose to remain anonymous, stated that “this” would be a breakthrough in how students and faculty interact. He reinforced that the current system is “shitty,” and this development represents a “job” well done, not one that “sucks.” For some bizarre reason, he also mentioned a “code in the quotes.” Department Of has yet to analyze this cipher.

A student participating in beta testing complained of a perceived glitch in his feedback. He seemed perplexed as to why all the messages he received stated “I don’t know this kid.” We have not yet told him that there is no glitch in the app. The student declared this feedback will only encourage him to skip more lectures.

Another student, one who is reportedly quite ambitious and studious, was through the roof in his excitement to try this new app. After waiting many weeks, he was ecstatic when accepted as part of the beta testing group, and couldn’t wait to hear from the professors he loved so much, and whom he hoped loved him back. However, only one professor gave him feedback, writing “stop being such a goddamn suck-up.” Oddly enough, the student hasn’t actually been able to figure out which of his professors wrote this, since he is overloading and taking 6 classes.

Yet another senior received a mixed review from his teacher. One professor wrote “continually sleeps in class, but still manages to cop a B minus. No idea how. This student is exceptionally average.”

An esteemed faculty member selected for testing complained he was not able to ignore and neglect his students on this app, as he is used to doing in person.

Lastly, Department Of received word that an increasingly concerning problem with the new app is that fake accounts are being created to deflate Duke’s student-faculty ratio compared to UNC’s. Oh, President Price, stop it you.



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