Over the summer, I worked with the UCAE office approving student organizations for the 2017-2018 school year. In my line of work, certain club proposals are considered especially heinous. The dedicated paper-pushers who read these mind-numbing propositions are members of an elite squad known as broke college students who will take any summer job thrown their way. Here are some examples of the type of shit we have to endure.
Duke Coalition for Being Able to Buy Power Tools on Food Points: Seriously we pay enough tuition that we should obviously be able to buy dangerous and expensive gadgets on food points.
The DICK BROADHEAD Club – “DICK BROADHEAD” stands for:
The Fratio Smokers Barbershop Quartet: Please only apply if you can smoke doobies and sing simultaneously.
The Duke Cyborg Society: Do you have any robotic enhancements? Do you want robotic enhancements? Come join us!
Students Who Sell Out – Looking for a career in finance or consulting? Trying to end up on Wall Street? We’ll support your soulless endeavors by helping you trick yourself into thinking that your career will somehow have at least a shadow of a positive effect on the world. It’s okay! We suck too!
Duke Students for Proving that North Dakota Doesn’t Actually Exist: Have you ever actually met someone from North Dakota?
Duke Levitation Society: We get high!
Support Group for Students Who Are Still Ridiculously Enmeshed in Liking Harry Potter Perhaps Because It Reminds Them Rather Fondly of Their Childhood and Hey Good for You…I’m Not Here to Judge, But Have You Perhaps Considered That Liking Harry Potter Isn’t a Personality Trait?
The Duke PTA (Pooping Together Always): You never have to be alone again.
Networking Coalition for the Association of the League of Partnerships of Federations of Corporations
The Piedmont Edgers: Bring your fedoras everyone 😉
Coalition of Duke Mothers Secretly Dressed Up as Students so They Can Spy on Their Children
The Be Taller Society: For Duke students who really want to be 9 ft tall, but don’t have the genetics. We sit on each other’s shoulders, put on giant trench coats and walk around campus!