Ah, All Hallows’ Eve! The one time of year when it’s socially acceptable for a stranger to give children razor blades candy. We’re that house that leaves a small bowl of razor blades candy outside just so kids won’t annoy us. Sounds a lot like my professor, who just leaves a bowl of TA Contacts at the door with the signs “Take One” and “Don’t Bother Me, I’m Doing Important Research.”

So in the spirit of Halloween, here are 10 ways to scare a Duke Student

  1. Replace an environmentally conscious friend’s metal straw with a (non-decomposable) plastic one and force them to watch that video with the turtle.
  2. Walk on Central Campus campus at night.
  3. Talk to someone on the bus.
  4. Work on group projects
  5. Send them an email with “Action Required!”
  6. Enroll in a class with “mandatory attendance”
  7. This
  8. When the soap in the women’s bathroom on the third floor of Gates House runs out so absolutely no one can properly wash their hands and the plague spreads throughout the entire dorm and some random kid tries to weaponize —
  9. Blow an air horn in the bathroom. Scare the shit out of them.
  10. Cover yourself with spare skin and old grease and chase them through the Duke Gardens at night.

One thought on “How to Scare a Duke Student

  1. Wow number 8 is a little too close to home

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