What is your go-to fall beverage?
A. The blood of your enemies
B. Drops of dew
C. Pink drink
D. A coffee from Joe van Gogh
What outfit do you reach for when you’re trying to feel your best?
A. Pointy shoulder pads, hair bleach, a scowl
B. Muted brown and grey colors
C. Garish mix of neon colors garnished by a face mask
D. Suit and tie with freshly-pressed shirt and questionable loafers
Which best describes your favorite catch phrase?
A. “So many men have tried to kill me, I don’t remember all their names”
B. N/A, you’re not much of a talker
C. “Last night I switched her birth control with Tic-Tacs…I believe in us and all, but I just want to make sure that she can’t go anywhere.”
D. “CaN yOu TuRn tHaT iNApProPriaTe mUsIc oFF?”
How would your friends describe you?
Who is your fall crush?
A. Your biological brother
C. Your ex-fiancé
D. White privilege
Who/What is your mortal enemy?
C. Well-fitting clothing and general hygiene
D. Rap Music
What is your spirit animal?
A. A dragon
C. A micro-pig
D. A common crow
What is your favorite color?
A. Iridescent Dragon Scale
B. The warm yellow of the light from a lamp
C. The purple of your under-eye bags
D. The color of a scorn-laden vegan muffin
What is your favorite pastime?
B. Pursuing Bae
C. Making inappropriate jokes
D. Getting people unnecessarily fired
What is your worst characteristic?
A. A little bit crazy
B. Has a death wish
C. Jumps into things too quickly
D. You are generally trash
If you answered mostly As, your perfect costume is Khaleesi! Dump on some hair bleach and eat some horse organs, and you’ll be the Mother of Dragons in no time!
If you answered mostly Bs, your perfect costume is a Moth! At this point, you should give up all your primary function and pursue after only one thing: that sweet, sweet lamp. May the moth memes live on forever.
If you answered mostly Cs, your perfect costume is Pete Davidson! Grab some purple eyeshadow to create bags under your eyes and go get some regrettable tattoos that you will have to cover up in mere weeks, and you’re set. For extra points, make really insensitive jokes on live TV! No one will be able to tell the difference!
If you answered mostly Ds, your perfect costume is Larry Moneta! Must we explain? Long story short, check yourself and steer clear of the BC Plaza!