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Tips for Becoming a Campus Celebrity
- Anonymously contribute to a fledgling campus publication.
- Post on the Duke Class of 2019 group with incredible frequency. Five times a day should do the trick. Warning: this may also lead to your being completely ostracized.
- Write an inflammatory column in The Duke Chronicle.
- Run for DSG. Leave no profile picture unchanged and no bus stop unflyered.
- Be a championship-winning student athlete. Championship must be in men’s basketball.
- We were going to include a line in here about how being a member of The Pitchforks makes you a temporary campus celebrity, but we didn’t want to give them the satisfaction.
- Willingly star in a film that depicts sexual acts.
- Force sexual acts upon an unwilling victim. Wait, this isn’t one of them? People don’t know who– are you kidding? Shit, never mind.