Just a reminder that these are real quotes from the real Brian Buhr.

Department Of: Fuck, marry, kill: Norm from the Barn, the bull at Shooters, the Robert E. Lee statue?
Brian Buhr: Oh gosh. You’re making this hard. I would, I would um, fuck over Norm, I would kill the Robert E. Lee statue and I would marry the bull.

DO: Which member of the Board of Trustees do you make your enemy?
BB: Oh my gosh. I hope he reads this actually. There’s this man named Jeff Ubben. [redacted] oh I probably shouldn’t be saying this. Hmm. [redacted]
DO: You already started the story.
BB: [redacted] mm, mmm definitely probably shouldn’t be saying this. [redacted]
BB: So Jeff Ubben. One time I talked to him about free speech and hate speech. And he was pushing me on like what would work and why conversations won’t work. And I tried to explain why conversations wouldn’t work and it’s like you can’t just talk to someone in a room and all of sudden be, “oh we solved hate speech (claps hands).” So I was just saying conversations don’t work. And he was just really pushing me there and really rubbed me the wrong way.

DO: What’s your best party trick?
BB: Best party trick? Let’s see. Um, I have played the cello at a party before.
DO: Okay.
BB: I’m a cellist.

DO: On a scale of 1-10 how much do you hate The Chronicle?
BB: Oh boy. Uh, eleven.

DO: Do we destroy Central Campus with a controlled fire or a wrecking ball?
BB: Ooh. That’s tough. So, the fire I presume would be bad for the environment. The wrecking ball I presume would also be bad for the environment because it would – the dust particles. Uh, gosh, um. We can’t just like have a Berlin wall sort of deal and all like go there and tear it down together?

DO: Favorite frat party song?
BB: Frat party song? Is there like a list of frat party songs?
DO: I mean, I feel like –
BB: I like, uh, what’s that song, the Sammy Adams song, the super like, hype one? (waving hands around) Is his name Sammy Adams? All night longer? I don’t know. I like that song. It’s always like very jumpy and happy.

DO: Are you tenting?
BB: I am tenting. If you can hear it in my voice. There’s a little tent in there.
DO: Was your group one of the ones that originally took their pallets from Ace’s Warehouse?
BB: No. We – I think we took ours from Home Depot. So hopefully Home Depot doesn’t come after us.

DO: Favorite ASMR roleplay?
BB: This kind of sounds – this is definitely on brand – but the haircutting ones. I love those. I don’t know why.

DO: Speed round. Describe yourself in 50 characters.
BB: Fifty characters? Um, I don’t know how to count those. Spaces count as characters?
DO: Yes.
BB: I’m not allowed to like write it – this is a speed round?
DO: This is a speed round, yeah.
BB: Gosh, I hope this is fifty characters um, hair, short, happy. (19 characters)
DO: Hotdogs or legs?
DO: Hotdogs or – ? Hotdogs.
DO: Walking through the gardens with allergies or walking outside in the cold?
BB: I like the cold. Scarves. (points to scarf)
DO: Cereal first or milk first?
BB: I eat oatmeal, so I don’t know – I put like, milk in my oatmeal sometimes so I guess milk second. Is oat a cereal? I don’t know.
DO: Fill in the blank: You know you’re a Duke student if _________.
BB: You know you’re a Duke student if you hate buses.

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