Just a reminder that these are real quotes from the real Luke Farrell.

Department Of: Fuck, marry, kill: Norm from the Barn, the bull at Shooters, the Robert E. Lee statue?
Luke Farrell: Okay, so, I’m going to kill the Robert E. Lee statue. I don’t know what marry a bull would actually look like, but I think I’d do that. And then I would fuck Norm.

DO:What’s your least favorite Duke memory?
LF: My least favorite Duke memory? Oh my god. I was a part of Dukes and Duchesses which is a really stupid organization. I quit, by the way. Um, and I was doing coat check for them and other Duke students, that I knew, were just like throwing their coats at me. And I was like, “I know y’all! Like stop.” So okay, well, whatever. So that was not a delightful experience.

DO: Which member of the Board of Trustees do you make your best friend?
LF: Paul Farmer. He’s so cute. Also he’s like actually done a lot of good things for the world, but he’s also really cute. When he gets drunk, he like turns as red as a tomato and it’s really cute.

DO: Which member of the Board of Trustees do you make your enemy?
LF: Oh my god there’s so many to choose from. Which ones are already my enemy? Because those do exist.

DO: I mean –
LF: No, no, no. I’m kidding. Let’s see. Who would I make my enemy? Like, Tallman Trask isn’t an official member but he is an ex officio member of just about every committee. So I would make him my enemy probably.

DO: What are your thoughts on organized religion?
LF: Um, so my mom will yell at me if I said otherwise, but um, well she’d yell at me for this answer in general. Generally, it’s pretty culty, not really super into it. I think, so I’m not really a Satanist or anything but I think the idea of that is funny and cool, right? Like they just kind of troll organized religion by being like, we want to put a goat statue up. So I’m not a Satanist, but I sympathize with that kind of – that’s gonna haunt me for the rest of my life. (laughs) That’s how you end a career.

DO: No, it’s fine. On a scale of 1-10 how much do you hate The Chronicle?
LF: Oh my god, the Chronicle has been so nasty to me in the past. So, uh they have published my emails (whispers) when I dechartered the College Republicans –

DO: Yeah?
LF: Well, cause so when I dechartered the College Republicans, I wrote some snarky emails, to be fair, and they sent all my emails to The Chronicle and The Chronicle published them without telling me. And I was like, that’s fucked up. I think it’s hard to run a good student publication. I think Bre and Likhitha have done a really, really wonderful job. It’s really hard to do. But when you are desperate for content, bad things happen. I’ve been on the other end of that. I think – I also write a column for The Chronicle so I can’t shit on it too much. But um, I – I am supposed to give it a one to ten on how much I hate it? It fluctuates very widely. Um, I’ll just go with a six. Sorry, for being difficult.

DO: Do we destroy Central Campus with a controlled fire or a wrecking ball?
LF: Controlled fire seems touchy at the moment cause like all of California just burned down to the ground.
DO: Okay.
LF: So I am going to say giant wrecking ball.
DO: Okay.
LF: Sorry, this is not good. This is going very poorly.

DO: Favorite ASMR roleplay?
LF: I like that – you know, that girl who goes (taps his fingers) on a can of coke?
DO: Yeah, MaK!
LF: Yeah, yeah, I like her. She’s funny. She has that flight attendant one, it’s so wild. It’s like who, I have no, I have no gauge on how old she is, because I would never have that kind of wisdom to do those things. Yet, I think she’s literally like ten. It’s amazing. I like her. I don’t know if I like her, I am aware of her.

DO: Favorite meme?
LF: Um, favorite meme? Like meme format?
DO: Whatever.
LF: Um, I think, I’m trying to think of one. I love the vine where the girl is like “y’all are going to jail period.” That one kills me. But I don’t know if that counts as a meme. Um, that one is so good. I like, I love Twitter so like it’s also meme culture and it’s more like videos but anyway, yeah, that’s my answer.

DO: So you were the former SOFC chair, can you explain why you have cut Department Of’s funding like every year?
LF: So, that is a good question. When I was SOFC chair I was very determined to make sure that all groups received equitable funding, right. So, I made sure we were spending our budget all the way through. So I apologize you got your funding cut. One of those things meant that I was really interested in adding new groups, so the more groups there are the less there is of the pie for each one. However, during my tenure, identity and culture groups were the most funded groups they had ever been. BDU was the most funded group. And so I think like, groups that I think particularly needed assistance like material assistance, in like making sure they are building community and having programming those are the people I prioritized. I’m sorry if Department Of wasn’t one of those people.

DO: So, this is our speed round. So, answer as fast as you can. Describe yourself in 50 characters.
LF: Okay that is literally ridiculous. Uh, that is so hard. Oh, I (counting on fingers) I am really bad at spelling, I like can’t – and grammar. So, I don’t know. I feel like I wouldn’t be capable of doing this exercise. (217 characters)
DO: Ginger or soy?
LF: I think I am allergic to soy.
DO: Kylie Jenner or the egg?
LF: Cause I get itchy. Kylie Jenner or the egg? The egg.
DO: Fill in the blank: You know you’re a Duke student if _________.
LF: Uh, um, you pretend to be an extrovert.

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